The Man with the Red Hat

A story from my local community

This is a paraphrasing of a story I heard this week from someone in my local community.

---

In the culture of the town in which this story takes place, it is common to think of oneself as an accepting sort of person. Folks accept other folks of all stripes and will love you regardless of your beliefs. This is this way in which folks believe themselves to be thinking and behaving.

One day a man entered a store to buy a yogurt and a banana. The store was in the town of accepting people, but the people in it were not a fan of the people who wear bright red hats with white stitching on the front of it. They did not think of this as not being accepting of those with red hats. In their minds, someone with a red hat is a BAD person, and the beliefs held in the brain under a red hat are irredeemably repugnant and repulsive. They must not allow themselves to become victims to folks like that.

And so the man who entered the store had a bright red hat with fine, perfectly stitched, capital white lettering on it. Should this man have entered the store without a hat on to buy his yogurt and a banana, it would have been a boring and uneventful trip. He’d have bought his yogurt and banana, and left the store to go on his way, back to his nearby home. But this is not what happened. This should not have made a difference, but it did make a difference in the cultural climate of the community in which our story takes place.

Immediately upon entering the store, the atmosphere in the store became tense. Before the man was even able to locate his yogurt, a woman came up to the man and said “I do not like that hat you are wearing, it is ostentatious don't you think?” He smiled politely and walked on to the yogurt section.

After getting his yogurt, an elderly man came up to him, and said “We don't like people in those red hats around these parts, why do you wear it? You should not be wearing it.” The man in the red hat did not hold his tongue this time. He told the elderly man his beliefs none-too-calmly—the elderly man had been blunt and rude in his question after all—but then continued onwards to the fruit section.

Finally, after grabbing a banana and getting to the checkout, the cashier accosted the man quite fiercely. Straight to his face, the cashier said “You are evil and should be ashamed of your red hat”. The man, finally goaded past his endurance, responded puce faced, his lips spraying spittle as he spat back to the cashier, “You people think you are so kind but you really are the people of hatred! Leave me alone.” He took his banana and yogurt and stormed out of the store.

After he left, a small child looked at her mama and asked her “Why was everyone in the store so mean to that man?” The mother looked at her daughter and said “We were mean to that man because he thinks differently than we do”. And the little girl thought about this. She thought quite a lot about this.

---

And so ends the story of the man with the red hat.

I've been thinking a lot about this since I heard it. On the one hand, the story treats the red hat as a meaningless, cosmetic-only thing. But the red MAGA hat does mean something. Even so, perhaps it would be better to treat our neighbors with dignity and act as though it IS just a cosmetic-only thing. At least in situations like when a man is just trying to buy himself a couple things at the store, you know? He's a human being just living his life, and as the mother said to her little girl, he just thinks differently than the other people in the store.

A red hat might be closer than “just a red hat” if we lead with assumptions like he has dignity and wants the best for his society. In general, we all want similar things. Political bullshit has gotten in the way lately. Or so it seems to me.

I want to write more about this in the future, but many things are changing in the world, and it is my belief that this upheaval is not caused by politics. No, massive upheavals and changes happening in the world cause the political division that leads to our collective mania, such as the story of the man in the red hat. We should probably give each other some grace. Just let the person that disagrees with you get on with their life most of the time. There is a time and a place for disagreement, but in the grocery store while shopping? Yeah, probably not.

This Note from Anu says a lot

i think dinner parties can save humanity

Maybe it's as simple as sharing a laugh. Then the red hat can just be a red hat sometimes. Let's build bridges and work towards a better collective future for ourselves.